Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
