so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
