This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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