why didn't you poke me back
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
