the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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