She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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