I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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