what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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