thus making me awesome and them whores
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
