new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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