evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
