I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
