Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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