I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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