I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
