I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
