Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
