I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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