VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
