I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
