There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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