i barfeds in our rink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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