you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
