mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
