Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize