I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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