return my video game
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
