Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
