Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize