Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
