i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
worst night to have a conscience
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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