Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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