he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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