you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize