didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
