I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
