my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
