There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
