omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
