would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
