3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
