make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
