like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
