4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
