I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
