last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
