The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
