So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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