I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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