i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
