FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
