1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
