you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
