the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
