A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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