the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
