i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
