You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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