rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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