mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
