are you still at the devil's house?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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