Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize