I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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