He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.