I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.