just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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