I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
