Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
