look no pants
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize