My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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