I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
