New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
