I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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