You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
