How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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