i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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