so explain again why im purple
no
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
