I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
