You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize