he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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