No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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