God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
