its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
